* Any views expressed in this opinion piece are those of the author and not of Thomson Reuters Foundation.
Attitudes of men must change to realise there are no circumstances in which violence against women is acceptable
I have been privileged to be UK National lead for tackling Violence against Women and Girls, Honour Based Violence, Forced Marriage and Child Sexual Abuse. As I leave prosecuting after 24 years I cannot leave without paying tribute to all the NGOs, to the Thomson Reuters Foundation and others for allowing me to learn and then implement change and not just in the UK.
Violence against women is difficult to talk about, but for those who find it difficult, let us be clear, however uncomfortable it is talk about, it is degrading and damaging to experience. There are probably 50 shades of violence against women and girls, and this best seller is available in every abuser’s library. These include physical assaults, sexual assault, rape, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse, bullying, stalking, harassment, trafficking, child abuse, child neglect, honour crimes, forced marriage, genital mutilation, false imprisonment, denial of an education, forced labour, domestic servitude, driving victims to commit suicide and murder.
Violence against women and girls is the great silent crime of our time. It is the silence that makes it the most insidious because it prefers the darkness, it stays in the darkness, it cannot be discussed, debated let alone be dealt with. The responsibility for the vast majority lies with my gender, with men. To begin, we need to change the attitudes of men.
From birth, it must be drilled into the conscious and the sub-conscious of all men that there are no circumstances in which violence against women is acceptable. There are no circumstances in which the threat or thought of violence against women is acceptable. In simple terms, zero tolerance. That needs to be heard from every man, from every husband, from every father, from every partner, from every colleague. It needs to be heard from every celebrity, every sportsman, every business leader, every office worker, and every teacher. It needs to be heard in every place so that we can change the way that men think.
We know that men who tolerate violence towards women are more likely to perpetrate violence than those who do not. To change attitudes, young men need to grow up with positive role models in their communities. It is critical that all people, particularly young people, develop the skills to maintain respectful relationships.
The physical, social, emotional and psychological effects on so many women are incalculable. And the damage done to children growing up in homes where there is violence or the threat of violence is likely to be incalculable. For some, those scars never heal.
These are the myths that allow people to perpetrate these behaviours. In part, this is cultural because men consider themselves to have the right to self-determination while women do not. Of course, it is men who decide what is womanly. I repudiate that belief and demand, as all men must, a cultural shift. Great men must value women.
The assumptions and beliefs that maleness and masculinity provide for violence of any kind under any pretext must be openly and courageously challenged by men in the very places where they are normally re-enforced, I mean the workplaces, the bars, the sporting field. I also know that this will require courage and at times for men to stand apart from those from whom they consider to be their friends.
That is the way to make it clear that violence is not a joke, making light or minimising it is not acceptable. We need to demonstrate that violence is not manly, it has nothing to do with responsible masculinity, it is not the identifying feature of a male grown up.
If she refuses to do what you want her to do, that is no excuse to raise your hand or to take what is not yours. What she wears, how she chooses to live her life are entirely matters for her. This is about human rights.
What women choose to do does not legitimise rape. What a woman chooses to wear, chooses to drink, how she chooses to live her life, are entirely matters for her and do not give you any authority or excuse to harm or violate her.
Ultimately, this is behaviour motivated by male power and control. The desire to control woman’s behaviour drives men to violence and sexual assault. You as a man have no right to treat women in this way. You will face the consequences of your actions.
Most of our messages are rightly aimed at the victims to encourage them to report crime, to encourage them to support prosecution. We need to balance that with a message to those who perpetrate those crimes. My message to the millions of current or future rapists and abusers is that you will have the spectre of your victim haunting you forever. When you sit at the dinner table with your children or at the bar with your friends, the ghost of the woman, man or child that you have violated will be at your shoulder. The person whose life you have destroyed will eventually destroy yours.
Nazir Afzal OBE, is the Chief Crown Prosecutor of the Crown Prosecution Service for North West England. He has announced plans to resign from the service at the end of March.
